I have 3 teenagers. They can be weird. They travel in herds of other teenagers. They can also be weird. I openly talk about about masturbation, sex, birth, patriarchy, society being a dangerous twatwaffle - you know, awesome stuff. I am sure that I am the worst mother to ever embarrass her teenage offspring. Oh well. I am over it.
With my frankness about so many "taboo" topics, my kids often tell their friends to ask me all of their weird questions. Or, their friends just ask me without any prompting or permission from my womb family. Sometimes resulting in my dearest rolling their eyes, huffing loudly or physically removing their friends from the same room as me. "Ugh, don't ask her that!" "The answer will be so long!" And, my personal favourite: "No." With a hand held in front of my face as I start to spew my magical, knowledgeable words of wisdom. I am sure that it is in an effort of love, to save me from feeling obligated to carve time out of my super busy life to pander to their friends. This is what I tell myself anyway.
I am going to try to preserve (here) some of the bizarre questions that I get from the revolving packs of children that wander their way through my home. Here are the most recent ones:
I went upstairs to call 3 girls down to dinner (mine + 2 others). I stood in the doorway of a washroom and was bombarded with this -
"What exact size is a baby's heads when they are born?"
"Why does my stomach hurt?"
"If I take an unused condom and fill it with something, like put things inside of it, can I put it inside of me?"
This is my circus. These are my monkeys. Someone please check on me periodically to make sure that some shreds of sanity are still intact.
