"This is the hardest thing"

This is a third-hand post!  I read this beautifully written account of motherhood on a friend's blog, who 'borrowed' it from her friend's blog!  

I thought it so poignant & well written.  What a sweet peek inside the heart of motherhood!    

I've heard said that motherhood is like having your heart taken from your body & sent walking out in the world.  It's true!  It goes so much deeper than heart though.  It's the very cells & fibres of your being - your soul - your blood flowing apart from you.  There's an acute awareness of this life being in the world.  You can feel them.  You can sense them.  You know them. 

Enough of my thoughts!  Here is the blog:

I wrote this whilst in the throes of the most intense “morning” (ha!) sickness I have ever experienced. I wrote it because while flopped over on the floor in front of the bathroom waiting for the inevitable, I had a crazy thought.

This is the hardest thing I have EVER done.

And of course, it isn’t. It just felt that way. I know because I’ve already been here, in the exact same spot. In the exact same position. Thinking the exact same thing.

And I have thought it many times since.

Like during all 30 hours of my first child’s labour. During all 3 hours of fruitless pushing. When they told me he was stuck and I required an emergency c-section. That was the hardest thing I had ever done. For a while. Until he was 5 months old and still hadn’t gone a single night without waking every 15 minutes. And I lay on the floor beside his crib, not wanting to bother going back to bed. Surely that was the hardest. Wrong again.

There were terrible twos and eye teeth and potty training and the miscarriage I had before this current pregnancy. All difficult. But still not the hardest.

I know because as hard as those things were, I’ve yet to experience the first day of school. And the first day my child comes home with a black eye from the bully down the street. The first time he drives off in my car for a night out with his buddies. I know that it will never really end.

The rest of my life is going to be hardest thing I’ve ever done. Only to be outdone by the next thing, and the next, as it is for all mothers.

So, are we nuts? Gluttons for punishment? Stubbornly seeking ever-elusive glory? No. I sat there, hunched over on the floor, trying to figure it out. And eventually it came to me.

Paradoxically, this “hardest thing I’ve ever done” is also the easiest. Easy because although I know what’s coming I plow through it anyway. Willingly, even.

Easy because it stems from love. Love that is immeasurable, inexplicable and powerful- far more powerful than this temporary bout of nausea. It comes so naturally I don’t think anything is this world could be more precious or more pure, and I own it. And it owns me. And that’s the rest of my life in a nutshell, because I am a mother.

So bring it on- all the excruciating, beautiful things that are to come. I’m ready. Bring on the ice chips and the arrowroots, the sleepless nights and the tears. I’m willing.

Although I sometimes have these weak little moments (who doesn’t, anyway?), I’m also very able.

– By Sara

 I define motherhood as the hugest, hardest, bravest, most powerful journey an extremely fragile being will ever embark upon. 

Motherhood makes us strong, while making us incredibly vulnerable.
Motherhood brings us life, while  forcing us to die to ourselves.
Motherhood causes us to think of the worst grief imaginable, while experiencing the most incredible happiness.
Motherhood reshapes our bodies, while remaking our souls.

When we walk the tightrope of motherhood we know that any slip can cause us immeasurable grief & heartache.  We're guaranteed nothing in this life.  Yet we bravely face that  knowledge everyday just to experience the immeasurable joy & love that it fills our beings with!  


So, in the words of this mysterious Sara...


I'm willing!  I've also discovered about myself that I am able! 
 

The Marks of Motherhood...

Are they scars?  Are they badges of honour?  

Ah, the marks of motherhood!

Motherhood changes our bodies as it changes our hearts, minds & souls.  And, most of us, wear our motherhood on our bodies everyday.  

The excitement of growing & nurturing new life quickly fades once that life is in our arms, leaving our bodies stretched, marked, scarred & alien to us.  There are those of us that seem to snap right back to amazing shape, and there are those of us that make slower (seemingly unfair) progress.  After sore nipples & lack of sleep, it's the most common thing I hear new mothers complain about.  I think we truly forget that all that was misplaced & enlarged in there has to go back into place & shrink.  It's such a remarkable, complicated process. 

We women are such fickle beings!  We can go from the elation & pride we feel at the birth process our bodies just went through, to utter despair at the stretch marks left behind or the "excess" that happens when we sit.  Oh, if only we could lighten up on ourselves, Girls!  It's so difficult to step outside of the trap that our minds can become and see ourselves as we truly are.  The givers of life - the nurturing spirits that we house inside our beings.  

Yes, our bodies change.  We may have saggy skin & stretch marks.  But we have bellies that expand - to create new life; breasts that enlarge - to nourish that life; thighs that strengthen - to carry us about our life and hearts & souls that grow immeasurably! 

Here is a website that women can go to, where other women honestly acknowledge their true bodies.  It's a beautiful thing!  

http://theshapeofamother.com/

Sunshine & Tears

So I blog on a site for work and that one is taking precedence right now.  But, there is no rule that I cannot share what I blog about there on here, right?!  
I came across a quote this morning that slapped me in the face, opened my eyes, shined a light on an area of my life that I've been being made aware of in big ways lately!  
So here is what happened when I read the quote, fell in love with it & blogged about it.


I found a quote that I love, LOVE, *LOVE*! Thought I'd share it here.


Count your days by smiles, not tears. Count your nights by stars, not shadows. Count your age by friends, not years. ~ Early American Toast


Wise words to live by! Alas, I am NOT good at this. I am (and always have been) a glass-half-empty kind of girl! I muddle along in a fog of pessimism, negativity & with sharp critiques ready on my tongue!
*sigh*
My poor, poor family.
My dear hubby though (who is incredibly sensitive to constant negativity!) is determined to help us both change! It grieves us both that we never discuss our parenting until one of us blows at the other one about what they are doing wrong! We never discuss our marriage/relationship issues until there's a problem! (You can see my pessimism here by my use of the word *never*!! )
Hubby took a huge step the other day by, in the midst of a fight, stepping back, taking a breather, sitting down next to me & saying "thanks for dinner, sweetie, it was really good". My first instinct was to say/think "what are you doing? how dare you distract me from my anger!". But, I found a shred of humility somewhere inside, & snuggled into his lap & found something to thank him for.
Poor Pessimistic Girl! She was a casualty of war that night!
I've spent a majority of my days filling them with snarls, fits of anger, small bursts of yelling, searching for shadows & making my home in them. At the end of the day, no one is happy, nurtured, secure, loved, cherished. I, least of all. I'm left with guilt, sadness, loneliness & misery. Up to recently, my hubby would join me in that misery! The old adage is true - misery really does love company! Sadly, it's not satisfied until it manages to hold you captive along with everyone else around you, to some extent or another.
It grieves me that my children have been victims of Pessimistic Girl to this point in their lives.
But, trying to find the smile instead of seeing the tears, I still have time!!!!! I have YEARS/DAYS/HOURS/MOMENTS with my 3 beautiful souls, to see their smiles, to see their stars, to see their sunshine, to be their friend... And, I have a LIFETIME of MOMENTS with hubby! To smile with him (sometimes AT him), to share his sunshine, to watch him chase his stars while he encourages me to chase mine, to be his friend...
When I find a quote that I fall in love with, I type it (in cool colours & fonts), print it & hang it on my fridge!
This one is definitely going there!