This week has completely kicked my ass! And it is only Thursday!
I am excited, though. As I become more aware of my behaviours
(reactions and responses, if you will), I become more aware of the
thoughts behind them. Every behaviour I have
originates as a thought. I, and I alone, can control those! There is
huge freedom in that! I feel like I've traveled a billion emotional
miles this week already. But I am looking back and seeing what I
learned and how I grew. With no feelings of guilt and failure.
I had an incredibly emotional conversation with a very difficult person
and wanted to dissolve afterwards. But I looked at those feelings,
found their originating thought, and felt a sense of safety, security
and peace return. I completely EFFED up parenting, had a very honest
discussion afterwards, followed my instincts instead of my anger, and
watched a very stubborn offspring completely soften before my eyes. We
both were able to walk away with no resentment or animosity. Had a
great conversation with a dear friend where I was able to pinpoint the
source of MONTHS of stress and frustration. Guess what? It was me. I
handled a bad bike accident where my man-child broke a tooth and banged
himself up pretty good. I wanted to revert to a comatose state and be
angry that I am single parenting right now. Found that thought, managed
it, found resolve - with only a little frustration that the man-child's
absolutely perfect teeth will never be that way again. *sigh* There
is more, but I will spare you ALL the details. Ha! ;p
Knowing
what I've put out there and am asking of myself, seeing the
opportunities as they regularly present themselves, not fearing or being
angry that I am given chances to manifest change in my own life - it is
truly a very beautiful thing.
(This was a post I did on Facebook last week. Thought I would post it here, too. And am trying to make a mental switch to blogging here, instead of on Facebook. There. Now I've put it out there.)
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