So... This is Parenting

Ooof.

I've had some parenting moments lately.  Well.  More than some.  But some that have particularly stuck out and I've been dwelling on them trying to figure out why they seem particularly meaningful and important.  They've brought on tears during the interaction and also in reflection. 

These moments came in conversations with my 16 year old son who is having some troubles finding his way in high school.  His unhappiness is very apparent and breaks my heart.  In the past these situations have caused me to want to shut down and step away.  I don't know how to handle my children's feelings (since I was never allowed to express or safely have feelings in my childhood - see how that works?).  I feel obligated and guilty and it's easier to just cocoon.  But then that makes me feel even more guilt (even getting into shame here), then I resent that they even have feelings (because, how dare them, right?!) and then I try to engage from a place of duty (because everyone wants their authentic feelings to be handled like a fucking chore, right?!) and it just ends up ugly.  
 This time is different.  Maybe all the internal work I've been doing is starting to spill out?  About fucking time!  ;)
 I was able to come alongside him.  Involve him in the conversation and the solution.  Empower him.  Validate him.  And "breaveheartedly" face his feelings with love and compassion, instead of fear and guilt.  

I was able to parent.  I was able to fucking parent in the way that it is supposed to be done.  I was able to parent in the way that I needed to be parented (the way that everyone needs to be parented, really).  Which has led to these realizations:

Parenting has the ability to break you wide open in ways that cannot be understood, described or experienced in any other way.  
Parenting is a constant state of vulnerability. 
Parenting has the ability to hurt you deeper than deep can go.

BUT!

Parenting has the ability to heal you in ways that cannot be understood, described or experienced in any other way.
Parenting is a constant state of amazement and wonder.
Parenting has the ability to go deeper than deep can go, find those traumas and wounds that must be healed, expose them and offer you an infinite amount of opportunities to sooth them.

Again, ooof.  

Parenting:  (if done in a way that honours all parties) that amazing thing that can soothe wounds from your own childhood, while simultaneously breaking you wide open.  It is both healing and inflicting at the same time.  It is living in a constant state of juxtaposition.  (No wonder we are all so fucking tired, eh?!?!)  

The soul is healed by being with children.  ~  English Proverb 
(Seen on 'The Organic Sister' page on Facebook.) 

Here is where I leaned/am learning to be a Braveheart parent:
http://braveheartparentinghelp.com/
They are on Facebook, too.
 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Braveheart-Parenting/169976559781542   

FB Rants 10/2/14

I was passively/aggressively invited to an argument on FB this morning by a complete stranger, over a comment that I made that did not involve him in any way. I did not respond. I don't plan to. I will log off and go about my day and my life without it affecting me in any way.
See how easy that is, People? You don't have to respond to every ignorant invitation to an immature battle of wits. You don't have to blare your opinions all over the interwebs, all day long, every time you see something that you disagree with. Your time is better spent proving that your beliefs make you a good person to the people that see you and experience you every single day.
Bottom line, you don't have to be a dick on the internet.

FB Rants 9/28/14

Hey, People. Guess what. Respect and trust are something that children (no matter what age) do not, I repeat, do NOT owe their parents. Respect and trust are earned. If your children (no matter what age) do not respect and trust you, 2 things, you are not being respectable or trustworthy and you are not showing them respect and trust. I promise. Children learn how to navigate through this world by behaviour modeled by their parents. Not by verbal lectures from their parents. Good, loving, kind behaviour is best modeled. If you want your children (no matter what age) to act like a loving, kind, decent person, you are going to have to put in the work and be one yourself.
Children (no matter what age) are not animated objects to be broken, scared, oppressed, manipulated and bullied into a place of obedient submission. (No matter what an archaic, barbaric book says about it!) They are fully conscious, fully aware, fully sovereign human beings. They are human beings. Human. Beings.
Let's stop expecting (which is a mistake unto itself) behaviour from our children that we are not even willing to rise to ourselves. Stop it. Just, stop it. Be the kind of person that you want your children to be to the rest of the world.
Let's stop shaking our heads in bewilderment at "this generation" and its supposed flaws, and have the humility to recognize that the current generations can only be what the previous ones cultivated them to be. Stop it. Just, stop it. Be the kind of person that you want to meet out in the rest of the world.
Let's stop expecting (again, huge mistake) and hoping that everyone else will make the world a better place. Let's stop demanding that our children behave as we say and not as we do. And let's just start doing and being it ourselves.
Society starts at home. It starts with me. And it starts with you.

FB Rants 8/31/14

Now that our beautiful local landscape is dotted with hideous, monster structures called wind turbines, and they are FINALLY spinning, is now a good time to expect my hydro bills to be drastically reduced? No? ‪#‎takingituptheass‬ Oh, what's that? My bill is actually going to go up? 'Cause it has. A lot! ‪#‎takingituptheassmore‬ Now I get to see these ugly things on the daily, pay for them for forever and never actually see any return on them? I should just stay bent over, eh?

FB Rants 9/9/14

Thank you, but no thank you, ‪#‎MeghanTrainor‬ for a song that *ALMOST* has an empowering message for girls. Instead it ends up doing a disservice to both men and women. If your mama had stopped her message at "don't worry about your size" then all would be cool. But, nope, there had to be more. You just had to keep singing. ‪#‎why‬ ‪#‎shutup‬ ‪#‎bodyshaming‬ ‪#‎yetagain‬ ‪#‎sametiredmessage‬ ‪#‎sigh‬
Here is the real message we should be sending:
Girls, you do NOT have to justify the size of your butt!
Boys, there is SO MUCH more to a girl than the size and shape of her butt!
Girls, a man (not a boy) will appreciate and respect "holding you at night" no matter the size of your butt.
Boys, hear this! There is SO MUCH more to a girl than her body.

We have to stop with these near-misses in messages to BOTH genders in our society. Justifying the size of your body to a culture that demands you be a "size two" with a nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo retort of "guys like my size better in bed anyways" is NOT body acceptance. It is more body shaming. Furthermore, it only serves to send the message that guys ONLY care about girls who go to bed with them and that girls should ONLY accept their bodies if boys want to go to bed with it.
"'Cause every inch of you is perfect/
From the bottom to the top"
FULL STOP! FULL FUCKING STOP!
(This has been Ranty Tuesday with Hillary. Thanks for playing along. Carry on, Love.)

I just can't... So, I rant

I rant.  A lot.  It is my way of lashing back at the accepted status quo and trying to spread little seeds of doubt, wonder and unrest among anyone I come into contact with.  For the most part.  
I ranted last night to my daughter's friend.  I ranted a few weeks ago to the owner of the dance studio where my daughter is a student.  
I don't do it loudly.  I try not to do it angrily and be all nasty about it.  I want it to be heard.  In the most Freudian way possible.  ;)  

Since I have exhausted my family's tolerance of my attempts to save their lives, save their souls, save the environment and save the planet, I often turn to Facebook to vent something and call attention to a particular cause, shift or thought.  So I will start copy/pasting my little rants here.  You know.  To preserve them for posterity.  ;)

I'm going to go post one all up in here right now!