So... This is Parenting

Ooof.

I've had some parenting moments lately.  Well.  More than some.  But some that have particularly stuck out and I've been dwelling on them trying to figure out why they seem particularly meaningful and important.  They've brought on tears during the interaction and also in reflection. 

These moments came in conversations with my 16 year old son who is having some troubles finding his way in high school.  His unhappiness is very apparent and breaks my heart.  In the past these situations have caused me to want to shut down and step away.  I don't know how to handle my children's feelings (since I was never allowed to express or safely have feelings in my childhood - see how that works?).  I feel obligated and guilty and it's easier to just cocoon.  But then that makes me feel even more guilt (even getting into shame here), then I resent that they even have feelings (because, how dare them, right?!) and then I try to engage from a place of duty (because everyone wants their authentic feelings to be handled like a fucking chore, right?!) and it just ends up ugly.  
 This time is different.  Maybe all the internal work I've been doing is starting to spill out?  About fucking time!  ;)
 I was able to come alongside him.  Involve him in the conversation and the solution.  Empower him.  Validate him.  And "breaveheartedly" face his feelings with love and compassion, instead of fear and guilt.  

I was able to parent.  I was able to fucking parent in the way that it is supposed to be done.  I was able to parent in the way that I needed to be parented (the way that everyone needs to be parented, really).  Which has led to these realizations:

Parenting has the ability to break you wide open in ways that cannot be understood, described or experienced in any other way.  
Parenting is a constant state of vulnerability. 
Parenting has the ability to hurt you deeper than deep can go.

BUT!

Parenting has the ability to heal you in ways that cannot be understood, described or experienced in any other way.
Parenting is a constant state of amazement and wonder.
Parenting has the ability to go deeper than deep can go, find those traumas and wounds that must be healed, expose them and offer you an infinite amount of opportunities to sooth them.

Again, ooof.  

Parenting:  (if done in a way that honours all parties) that amazing thing that can soothe wounds from your own childhood, while simultaneously breaking you wide open.  It is both healing and inflicting at the same time.  It is living in a constant state of juxtaposition.  (No wonder we are all so fucking tired, eh?!?!)  

The soul is healed by being with children.  ~  English Proverb 
(Seen on 'The Organic Sister' page on Facebook.) 

Here is where I leaned/am learning to be a Braveheart parent:
http://braveheartparentinghelp.com/
They are on Facebook, too.
 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Braveheart-Parenting/169976559781542